Showing posts with label Love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Love. Show all posts
Thursday, 5 January 2012
Beginnings
Turbulent.
That's a pretty accurate word for the last week.
Skipping around between having the time of my life and feeling like shit is pretty draining. I don't particularly want to mention the second, so I shall merrily skim over that part, saying only that I am severely emotionally drained and feel both more and less alone than I have for a long time. It's a rather confusing state.
One thing related to that I will mention, however. When poor little me is sad, poor little me can't eat. And my fairly high metabolism speeds itself up to cope with all the effort one puts into moping. When my mum woke up, came downstairs and said hi to me this morning, about half an hour after returning home, she followed up with 'you look thin'. This kind of worries me that it's obvious. I can see me getting yelled at about it from people who know what went on.
But enough about that.
This New Years, as with last year, I left the country to be with my lovely and wonderful internet friends! Unlike last time, however, I was in Germany. First time there. Although I didn't really see a lot, I rather liked it. Sightseeing wasn't especially the idea of this meet up, though, so I can forgive that. Who cares about looking at things when you can just hang out, chat and be ridiculous with a rather fantastic bunch of people?
And when I say 'ridiculous', I mean it. An example being these guys singing/bopping along to the 10 hour version of 'What is Love?' This must have gone on for over half an hour, I'm sure... That is until one of them got fed up and turned it off, much to my amusement but to the distress of all the others
As with last year, we celebrated New Years three times. First for Finland, which was a 'huzzah, let's drink to that!', second for Germany, which was your proper New Years thing with all the usual fireworks, alcohol and kisses, and third was for us Brits and the real start of the year (because GMT is real time and you all know it) was our traditionally loud and half-forgotten rendition of Auld Lang Syne.
My time there was fantastic (in between my moments of going 'woe is me!', of course.) I love these guys, they are like my family. As much as I love my 'real' family, they know bugger all about me. This collection of misfits from the internet know more about me than anyone in real life ever could. As a collective, I owe them so much, even if the occasional individual will inevitably irritate the hell out of me, but isn't that always the way with friends? I care for each and everyone one of them, and it makes me so happy to know that they care about me too, even when I'm being the single most frustrating creature on the planet.
At this point, I feel an obligatory 'resolutions' mention, as I actually have some which I intend to stick to. None of that 'be more organised/healthy/outgoing' stuff, because that's the kind of thing which, well... It's boring and you never do it in the end. So here are my three:
That's a pretty accurate word for the last week.
Skipping around between having the time of my life and feeling like shit is pretty draining. I don't particularly want to mention the second, so I shall merrily skim over that part, saying only that I am severely emotionally drained and feel both more and less alone than I have for a long time. It's a rather confusing state.
One thing related to that I will mention, however. When poor little me is sad, poor little me can't eat. And my fairly high metabolism speeds itself up to cope with all the effort one puts into moping. When my mum woke up, came downstairs and said hi to me this morning, about half an hour after returning home, she followed up with 'you look thin'. This kind of worries me that it's obvious. I can see me getting yelled at about it from people who know what went on.
But enough about that.
This New Years, as with last year, I left the country to be with my lovely and wonderful internet friends! Unlike last time, however, I was in Germany. First time there. Although I didn't really see a lot, I rather liked it. Sightseeing wasn't especially the idea of this meet up, though, so I can forgive that. Who cares about looking at things when you can just hang out, chat and be ridiculous with a rather fantastic bunch of people?
And when I say 'ridiculous', I mean it. An example being these guys singing/bopping along to the 10 hour version of 'What is Love?' This must have gone on for over half an hour, I'm sure... That is until one of them got fed up and turned it off, much to my amusement but to the distress of all the others
As with last year, we celebrated New Years three times. First for Finland, which was a 'huzzah, let's drink to that!', second for Germany, which was your proper New Years thing with all the usual fireworks, alcohol and kisses, and third was for us Brits and the real start of the year (because GMT is real time and you all know it) was our traditionally loud and half-forgotten rendition of Auld Lang Syne.
My time there was fantastic (in between my moments of going 'woe is me!', of course.) I love these guys, they are like my family. As much as I love my 'real' family, they know bugger all about me. This collection of misfits from the internet know more about me than anyone in real life ever could. As a collective, I owe them so much, even if the occasional individual will inevitably irritate the hell out of me, but isn't that always the way with friends? I care for each and everyone one of them, and it makes me so happy to know that they care about me too, even when I'm being the single most frustrating creature on the planet.
At this point, I feel an obligatory 'resolutions' mention, as I actually have some which I intend to stick to. None of that 'be more organised/healthy/outgoing' stuff, because that's the kind of thing which, well... It's boring and you never do it in the end. So here are my three:
- Stop thinking that I'm shit - Yes, that is the actual wording of that one. The idea here is to stop putting myself down all the time. Far too often, I just call myself useless or pathetic and just brush my own comments off. But they can't be good. Along side that, I have to stop thinking I'm doing everything wrong and expecting to be chastised for it, especially including reading every possible negative response into any reaction I get.
- Learn some fucking Finnish - Again, this is the actual wording. I'm rather loving this. But yes. I want to learn some fucking Finnish. I decided this about a year ago, but I'm still very rubbish at it. Now I've been given a real learning-book from that fantastic Finn, I can start to do things properly. Don't get me wrong, the lessons she gave me were useful, but a little bit all over the place.
- Learn to be me - And this is the big one. And it can't really be done without the first 'resolution'. But it is very, very important. Somewhere along the line, I lost myself, and I kinda need to find me again since I can definitely no longer live through my now ex-girlfriend. I want to finally follow my ambitions and get to a place where I can be happy
And there we have it. This is where I start my year, now I am back home. Not the Sunday just gone when I was in Germany, but now that I am back where I 'belong' and can begin to think clearly.
Now for something maybe a bit less depressing. I have developed a new obsession. What?
The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo.
Yes, this obsession did spring out of seeing the American adaptation of the book. I'm slightly ashamed of that because I wanted to see the Swedish films when they were out but never got around to it. The same deal with reading the books. I saw the film on the day it opened, almost purely because this version of Lisbeth has such a striking resemblance to a character of mine. Yes, I did want to see it anyway as I was fairly interested in all the other versions as previously mentioned, but it could have waited until I got back from Germany.
The film was good. I loved it. So much.
So much so that I saw it the following day too. I saw it twice in 18 hours, I think.
And now I own the book. I bought it on my travels and very much appreciated that when I opened my wallet to pull out some cash, I had no Stirling but only Swedish Kronor.
I love Lisbeth. She's fucked up in every way possible and is still this amazingly strong character with that 'I don't care, I'm still doing things my way' attitude. It's quite endearing, even if she is a wee bit terrifying.
And I will admit at this point that Rooney Mara's Lisbeth is making me want to start wearing all my black, leather and metal again. And I have been. And I like it.
And it gives me a nice ego boost when people say that they love what I'm wearing.
I think I'll not try and emulate that hair, though because a) there's no way I could pull that off, probably and b) I'm loving my long-ish red hair, thank you very much.
Here's hoping that I can steal myself a little bit of badassery.
Here's hoping that I'll have a good year. If it's even anywhere near half as good as the first half of 2011, then I'll be a very lucky Wolfey indeed!
I know it's going to be a difficult start, but I'm ready to pick up the pieces and try again.
Wish me luck.
Tuesday, 20 September 2011
Summerventures
ohgod. I haven't posted anything in a long while. It's not that I haven't had anything to write about, it's that I didn't have words for how amazing my summer was.
In July, I went back to Finland ♥
To the people who haven't been to Finland, go there! It is officially my favourite country. Finland is love. I've only been to Helsinki/Vantaa, but I want to go exploring. I want to see Finland in the snow. Not the snow we have here, but the proper snow that you could probably drown and/or bury yourself in if you fell over in it. I want to go running around in the woods, looking for fauns and moomins and other such probably imaginary things. I want to go and shove myself into a proper sauna and almost die because I'm English and tend not to try and cook myself for fun.
As such, I'm currently (and rather badly) trying to learn Finnish so I can go and frolic to my heart's content.
But, back to the point.
Again, I stayed with the lovely Salla, and I went to the Plague Picnic - An Emilie Autumn fan meet-up for the Finns. It was rather fun, watching them make fairy wings and scarfing down cakes, but, of course, with them being Finns, they spoke mostly in Finnish, so I just sat there and and understood every 200th word or something. Eventually, I got put in charge of a camera, so I had something to do. It was really fun, though. I loved it.
Again, I spent far too much money on sweets, but it is completely worth it. Unfortunately, I didn't come home with any Missä X as the airport shops didn't have any...
A week into my little adventure in July, me and Salla jetted off to Belgium to go to ICMU (International Chat Meet-Up for those not in the know). Now, that was a fun gathering. It was brilliant to finally meet all of these people I've been chatting with on the internet for well over a year. I'd met a few at the New Years meet up last year (Or this year. Or both...), and they'd all met each other before at various other gatherings, and now I feel like I'm properly part of the group.
Near enough straight after ICMU, another meet-up was planned - Another NYE gathering, this time in Germany. With any luck, I'll be able to go to that and see all my wonderful friends again.
In August, I went off on another little adventure, this time to see Amanda Fucking Palmer in Edinburgh. Now, that doesn't sound particularly adventurous, but when you take into account that, because it was during the Fringe and everywhere was expensive, I couldn't book anywhere to stay the night. Luckily, Amy, my shrunken elf of a friend, came along with me at the last minute. After the gig, we ended up having a wander and then stumbled across a midnight tour of the vaults, which we ended up going on because a) it was a way to kill time and b) I love going in the vaults. After that, we sat in a pub until the train station opened, then went and sat in there and waited for our ridiculously early train back home.
The gig was amazing. I've been waiting for ages for a chance to see AFP live, and she certainly didn't disappoint. I only wish that we could have been down at the front instead of sitting up on the balcony, but
In more recent news, it was my birthday yesterday! I'm now 22, which seems almost impossible to me since I believe that I stopped ageing at 17 or 18. There's no way I'm old enough to be 22.
I don't have much to say about my birthday, since nothing especially good happened. It was my first day back at college and that, combined with not sleeping enough all weekend, meant that I was far too tired and unwilling to do anything exciting. Ho hum.
Last week, though, me and a friend went to see Bitter Ruin as our birthday thing, as his is coming up soon too. We were quite sad that Bad Pollyanna, who were meant to be supporting, dropped out, but BR were fantastic. So fantastic that I bought all of the merch. All of it. And then some.
So there you go!
That's pretty much everything I've done since last time I posted.
Ohh, and I stopped with my film posts 'cause I didn't want a whole row of them with nothing else, but I have an account on iCheckMovies if anyone cares about that.
In July, I went back to Finland ♥
To the people who haven't been to Finland, go there! It is officially my favourite country. Finland is love. I've only been to Helsinki/Vantaa, but I want to go exploring. I want to see Finland in the snow. Not the snow we have here, but the proper snow that you could probably drown and/or bury yourself in if you fell over in it. I want to go running around in the woods, looking for fauns and moomins and other such probably imaginary things. I want to go and shove myself into a proper sauna and almost die because I'm English and tend not to try and cook myself for fun.
As such, I'm currently (and rather badly) trying to learn Finnish so I can go and frolic to my heart's content.
But, back to the point.
Again, I stayed with the lovely Salla, and I went to the Plague Picnic - An Emilie Autumn fan meet-up for the Finns. It was rather fun, watching them make fairy wings and scarfing down cakes, but, of course, with them being Finns, they spoke mostly in Finnish, so I just sat there and and understood every 200th word or something. Eventually, I got put in charge of a camera, so I had something to do. It was really fun, though. I loved it.
Again, I spent far too much money on sweets, but it is completely worth it. Unfortunately, I didn't come home with any Missä X as the airport shops didn't have any...
A week into my little adventure in July, me and Salla jetted off to Belgium to go to ICMU (International Chat Meet-Up for those not in the know). Now, that was a fun gathering. It was brilliant to finally meet all of these people I've been chatting with on the internet for well over a year. I'd met a few at the New Years meet up last year (Or this year. Or both...), and they'd all met each other before at various other gatherings, and now I feel like I'm properly part of the group.
 |
| The fabled 'cuddlepuddle' |
Near enough straight after ICMU, another meet-up was planned - Another NYE gathering, this time in Germany. With any luck, I'll be able to go to that and see all my wonderful friends again.
In August, I went off on another little adventure, this time to see Amanda Fucking Palmer in Edinburgh. Now, that doesn't sound particularly adventurous, but when you take into account that, because it was during the Fringe and everywhere was expensive, I couldn't book anywhere to stay the night. Luckily, Amy, my shrunken elf of a friend, came along with me at the last minute. After the gig, we ended up having a wander and then stumbled across a midnight tour of the vaults, which we ended up going on because a) it was a way to kill time and b) I love going in the vaults. After that, we sat in a pub until the train station opened, then went and sat in there and waited for our ridiculously early train back home.
The gig was amazing. I've been waiting for ages for a chance to see AFP live, and she certainly didn't disappoint. I only wish that we could have been down at the front instead of sitting up on the balcony, but
- Amy is tiny and wouldn't have been able to see at all
- I managed to almost cripple myself by tripping over a chain fence and slamming myself into the floor, hitting my leg and elbows that hard that I thought I'd broken something.
In more recent news, it was my birthday yesterday! I'm now 22, which seems almost impossible to me since I believe that I stopped ageing at 17 or 18. There's no way I'm old enough to be 22.
I don't have much to say about my birthday, since nothing especially good happened. It was my first day back at college and that, combined with not sleeping enough all weekend, meant that I was far too tired and unwilling to do anything exciting. Ho hum.
Last week, though, me and a friend went to see Bitter Ruin as our birthday thing, as his is coming up soon too. We were quite sad that Bad Pollyanna, who were meant to be supporting, dropped out, but BR were fantastic. So fantastic that I bought all of the merch. All of it. And then some.
So there you go!
That's pretty much everything I've done since last time I posted.
Ohh, and I stopped with my film posts 'cause I didn't want a whole row of them with nothing else, but I have an account on iCheckMovies if anyone cares about that.
Sunday, 8 May 2011
Lovesong
On Friday, I was sitting in the Teesside University SU with people from the cast and crew of Return to the Forbidden Planet. We were having some food and drinks before going over to the main hall to set up for the show when the stage manager asked me a question.
"How do you cope?"
This came shortly after I was asked if I'd had a good time in Finland, and I'd told them about my plans to go back there and to Belgium.
It was quite a difficult question. The only answer I could give was "I have no idea."
Have you ever been sat alone in your house, bored, and thought "Oh, I'll go and see my girl/boy/whatever-friend", or wanted to go and watch a film with someone, or just simply wanted a hug?
Well, that's my everyday dilemma. I have to continue just sitting on my own.
It gets hard, of course it does, but it feels so amazing when you get to see your love after three months of waiting. I hear people whining because they haven't seen their whatever for three days. They'll never know the joy that I feel when I get to hold my dear Salla in my arms.
That is how I cope, I guess. Love keeps me strong.
Here's to you, sweetheart <3
"How do you cope?"
This came shortly after I was asked if I'd had a good time in Finland, and I'd told them about my plans to go back there and to Belgium.
It was quite a difficult question. The only answer I could give was "I have no idea."
Have you ever been sat alone in your house, bored, and thought "Oh, I'll go and see my girl/boy/whatever-friend", or wanted to go and watch a film with someone, or just simply wanted a hug?
Well, that's my everyday dilemma. I have to continue just sitting on my own.
It gets hard, of course it does, but it feels so amazing when you get to see your love after three months of waiting. I hear people whining because they haven't seen their whatever for three days. They'll never know the joy that I feel when I get to hold my dear Salla in my arms.
That is how I cope, I guess. Love keeps me strong.
Here's to you, sweetheart <3
Tuesday, 26 April 2011
Defying Gravity
[---Written during a flight from Helsinki to Manchester---]
I should be writing an essay right now (and, in fact, I am), but I want to write down my thoughts as they come to me. It's going to be a fairly long flight, so I don't want to forget them. I've been on the plane about 45 minutes and I've nearly eaten a whole bag of Missä X. It's a little upsetting as they are super tasty and I won't be able to get any more until I go back to Finland, which will be god knows when. Ok, yes, I have another four packets in my case, but that's not the point. To begin with, I was munching them down to distract myself, to try to stop myself from crying again. It's the most painful thing, leaving your love behind in another country. Of course, that's understandable, understandable. Yes, it's perfectly understandable...
Something has changed within me, something is not the same….
Ahh, Wicked...
I'm now over half way through this essay, and my stomach is a little sore. Not the organ itself, but my skin.
ARGH, WAX BURNS?
Serves me right, I guess. My back is tingling a bit too, but that is ever so lovely. Not especially looking forward to having to carry my college bag again, but I guess we're both in the same boat with that one!
71% done and I just want to sit and stare out of the window. It's a little difficult as my back isn't really agreeing with the twisting, and also it's dark out there and all I can see is the red flashing light at the end of the wing. It's nothing like when we took off from Helsinki-Vantaa airport when I could see the city below and waved goodbye to such a lovely country, or rather 'I'll see you soon.' There's no way I can stay away from there for too long. I just couldn't. Now now.
The plane is turning now and there's that slight disorienting feeling. I'm not sure where I am at all, but there was an announcement about putting up the drinks trays for landing. Can't be landing soon, it's only 21:30. That's English time. Feels like 23:30. I'm a little sleepy. I wonder how I'm going to be able to stay awake until 06:00 tomorrow to catch the megabus… Just keep writing, I guess. There's no way I can really fall asleep in the airport anyway. Would they even let me stay there all night? I'll just have to find out when it comes to that. Having to stay awake, though, means I have to write my essays since I'll have nothing else to do. Can't even go on the internet because it'll a) cost me money and b) kill my battery. Can't imagine that the airport would let me plug in my mac anywhere. Ho hum.
Oh, I'm so tired. This isn't fair.
Well, saying that, I should have wrote my essays before I went away to Finland, or even written more while I was there.
I did try to write while I was there, but I just wanted to be with Salla all the time, and writing an essay is, well… not being with her. Just writing that now is making me get all teary-eyed again. Oh, what am I going to be like tomorrow when people ask me about my trip?
I wonder if they sell iPods for a decent price at the airport….
Seatbelt sign is on, and we're going down.
Hello England.
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