Friday, 18 February 2011


Instead of my usual 'stay in bed until my dad gets home' on a Friday, today I had breakfast. That in itself is a wonder since I never eat breakfast. This morning, though, I made porridge. Poured in the milk, popped it in the microwave and wandered back to the living room while I waited for that little digital beep that meant I could enjoy my oaty mush. On the way, I caught sight of my legs in the mirror. I wasn't wearing pyjama bottoms because I couldn't find them before I went to sleep and was too tired to hunt them out. I noticed the indents in the sides of my thighs, indicating that I have some kind of muscle. What can I say? It looked good. I smiled. I was quite proud of this. It was quite strange, especially since I'm rather self-concious of my legs. Pondering, I checked out my stomach. I could make out the lines of those muscles too. Just slightly, but they were there. I smiled again. My hair was a bed-mess but, goddammit, that worked too.

To summarise that, I thought I looked good, despite having just crawled out of bed. This is a milestone for me. I never think I look good. Was my mind still clouded by the haze of sleep, or was it because I wasn't wearing my glasses and I was ever so slightly out of focus?
Or was it that I actually feel good about myself?

I like to think that it's that last one and I'm regaining my self-confidence after I had it ripped away from me so brutally a couple of years ago.
And I think I know what, or, rather, who has sparked this.

But yes. I heard the beep and went to retrieve my porridge. I stirred in some brown sugar and a dollop of honey, watching it change into some sweet, warming tone of beige. I carried it back into the living room and smiled again at the mirror on the way past.
I think we're friends now.


Sally Slander said...

This entry made me very very happy ^___^ You /are/ extremely beautiful, love, I'm glad you're starting to see it too ♥

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