Thursday, 5 January 2012


That's a pretty accurate word for the last week.

Skipping around between having the time of my life and feeling like shit is pretty draining. I don't particularly want to mention the second, so I shall merrily skim over that part, saying only that I am severely emotionally drained and feel both more and less alone than I have for a long time. It's a rather confusing state.

One thing related to that I will mention, however. When poor little me is sad, poor little me can't eat. And my fairly high metabolism speeds itself up to cope with all the effort one puts into moping. When my mum woke up, came downstairs and said hi to me this morning, about half an hour after returning home, she followed up with 'you look thin'. This kind of worries me that it's obvious. I can see me getting yelled at about it from people who know what went on.

But enough about that.

This New Years, as with last year, I left the country to be with my lovely and wonderful internet friends! Unlike last time, however, I was in Germany. First time there. Although I didn't really see a lot, I rather liked it. Sightseeing wasn't especially the idea of this meet up, though, so I can forgive that. Who cares about looking at things when you can just hang out, chat and be ridiculous with a rather fantastic bunch of people?

And when I say 'ridiculous', I mean it. An example being these guys singing/bopping along to the 10 hour version of 'What is Love?' This must have gone on for over half an hour, I'm sure... That is until one of them got fed up and turned it off, much to my amusement but to the distress of all the others

As with last year, we celebrated New Years three times. First for Finland, which was a 'huzzah, let's drink to that!', second for Germany, which was your proper New Years thing with all the usual fireworks, alcohol and kisses, and third was for us Brits and the real start of the year (because GMT is real time and you all know it) was our traditionally loud and half-forgotten rendition of Auld Lang Syne.

My time there was fantastic (in between my moments of going 'woe is me!', of course.) I love these guys, they are like my family. As much as I love my 'real' family, they know bugger all about me. This collection of misfits from the internet know more about me than anyone in real life ever could. As a collective, I owe them so much, even if the occasional individual will inevitably irritate the hell out of me, but isn't that always the way with friends? I care for each and everyone one of them, and it makes me so happy to know that they care about me too, even when I'm being the single most frustrating creature on the planet.

At this point, I feel an obligatory 'resolutions' mention, as I actually have some which I intend to stick to. None of that 'be more organised/healthy/outgoing' stuff, because that's the kind of thing which, well... It's boring and you never do it in the end. So here are my three:

  1. Stop thinking that I'm shit - Yes, that is the actual wording of that one. The idea here is to stop putting myself down all the time. Far too often, I just call myself useless or pathetic and just brush my own comments off. But they can't be good. Along side that, I have to stop thinking I'm doing everything wrong and expecting to be chastised for it, especially including reading every possible negative response into any reaction I get.
  2. Learn some fucking Finnish - Again, this is the actual wording. I'm rather loving this. But yes. I want to learn some fucking Finnish. I decided this about a year ago, but I'm still very rubbish at it. Now I've been given a real learning-book from that fantastic Finn, I can start to do things properly. Don't get me wrong, the lessons she gave me were useful, but a little bit all over the place. 
  3. Learn to be me - And this is the big one. And it can't really be done without the first 'resolution'. But it is very, very important. Somewhere along the line, I lost myself, and I kinda need to find me again since I can definitely no longer live through my now ex-girlfriend. I want to finally follow my ambitions and get to a place where I can be happy

And there we have it. This is where I start my year, now I am back home. Not the Sunday just gone when I was in Germany, but now that I am back where I 'belong' and can begin to think clearly.

Now for something maybe a bit less depressing. I have developed a new obsession. What?
The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo.

Yes, this obsession did spring out of seeing the American adaptation of the book. I'm slightly ashamed of that because I wanted to see the Swedish films when they were out but never got around to it. The same deal with reading the books. I saw the film on the day it opened, almost purely because this version of Lisbeth has such a striking resemblance to a character of mine. Yes, I did want to see it anyway as I was fairly interested in all the other versions as previously mentioned, but it could have waited until I got back from Germany. 
The film was good. I loved it. So much. 
So much so that I saw it the following day too. I saw it twice in 18 hours, I think. 
And now I own the book. I bought it on my travels and very much appreciated that when I opened my wallet to pull out some cash, I had no Stirling but only Swedish Kronor. 
I love Lisbeth. She's fucked up in every way possible and is still this amazingly strong character with that 'I don't care, I'm still doing things my way' attitude. It's quite endearing, even if she is a wee bit terrifying.

And I will admit at this point that Rooney Mara's Lisbeth is making me want to start wearing all my black, leather and metal again. And I have been. And I like it.

And it gives me a nice ego boost when people say that they love what I'm wearing.
I think I'll not try and emulate that hair, though because a) there's no way I could pull that off, probably and b) I'm loving my long-ish red hair, thank you very much.

Here's hoping that I can steal myself a little bit of badassery.

Here's hoping that I'll have a good year. If it's even anywhere near half as good as the first half of 2011, then I'll be a very lucky Wolfey indeed!
I know it's going to be a difficult start, but I'm ready to pick up the pieces and try again.

Wish me luck.

Monday, 12 December 2011

Rope Burn

My arms ache. My neck ache. My legs ache. My ass aches. My hands ache.
And why's that?

Because I am yet again working on a show!
Like last time, my job is to climb up into the fly tower and pull ropes to make things appear and disappear. The show is Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat, and it's looking really good. Well, from what I can tell from up with the ropes.

My wonderful view from the fly tower

Pulling ropes is easy enough, but not so much when you have to move multiple things at one. At one point, I have to lower one thing and raise another, which means running back and forth in the dark and trying not to trip over everything or whack my legs into winch handles (the latter of which I have done multiple times....). At one point, I'm going to have to get an assistant up there with me because there is no way in hell I'll be able to move a backdrop and two flats on my own in the time I have to do it. But hey, at least I don't have to lift and wiggle something that is heavier than me. With fishing wire. While working a third rope. Damn you, Return to the Forbidden Planet!

I must say, though, even though it hurts, I love crewing shows from up on my shelf. Yesterday, I climbed up to the very top of the proscenium and rigged up a rope on my own. Last time I got called u there, my left arm panicked and wouldn't let go of the ladder, so I never even managed to do anything.

I'm starting to really enjoy all of this stuff. I think, however, I'm going to have to work out a fair bit so I don't kill my arms after a night of lifting flats and curtains. Poor, poor little arms!

Wednesday, 7 December 2011


I've seen posts of things on all sorts about what people keep in their bag. Now, I change bags a lot. Instead, I thought 'Hey, why not do a post about the things I keep in the pockets of my jacket." The jacket itself is a little interesting - It's a suit jacket/ blazer, and I got it from a dumpster in Gothenburg, Sweden, on the second of January or something. Either way, it's super cool. And has quite large pockets. 

  • Plastic Duck - I found this on the floor last night on the way back from the cinema
  • Superworld Unknown - A solid perfume from Lush in Covent Garden. Got it on my Londonventure.
  • Train Tickets (i) - Return from Middlesbrough to Hartlepool, ie. My town to my college town.
  • Ticket Stub (i) - From An Early Burly Christmas - a Burlesque pantomime
  • Warheads - From Amy when she went to London with college. Oh, how I love warheads.
  • Salmiakki - The strangest type of liquorice I've ever eaten. But it's lovely. And Finnish. And this box is actually from Finland. Helsinki-Vantaa airport, to be precise.
  • UHU - Super glue. Because you never know when you need to stick some things. Or maybe it's from carting things to and from college.
  • Nerf Darts - One of these is mine, the other two are from around the cinema in town. I do wonder who is having nerf fights out there...
  • Flyer - For The Hootchy Kootchy Roadshow which is apparently 'a burlesque spectacular'. Includes a 2 for 1 ticket thing.
  • Sweets - Liquorice/Aniseed lozenges. Because i am ill.
  • Half A Key - Found it in the road when I decided to walk the almost 4 miles home from the Teeside University Students Union. After midnight. I thought it was cool.
  • Ticket Stub (ii) - From the Headline Honeys burlesque show during Teesside Uni.'s Freshers.
  • Envelope - A tiny Christmas card! It's from Kristina, a friend from college and has Princess Cinderella on it. She does not, however, have a stupid, glittering body.
  • Train Tickets (ii) - Ticket from Middlesbrough to Hartlepool to see the Early Burly Christmas thing. And the receipt for said train ticket.
  • Wallet - Final Fantasy VIII Griever wallet that I got at Nemacon this year. Has useful things in it like my debit card, college card, TUS card, SubCard, Unlimited Card and English money. It also has not so useful things like 50 Kronor (Swedish) and 1 Dollar (USA). Ok, they are sort of useful, but not when you're in England.
  • Passport - Because I have no other form of ID, and you never know when you might want to flee the country.
EDIT: Also, just posted a couple of photos from my Cirquepunk college project over on, my design blog. Go look. They're pretty. 
Wednesday, 9 November 2011

Music Box II: Things what are signed

A fair chunk of my spending recently, outside of college related things, has been on music. Going to gigs, buying merch, ordering a VIP ticket for an Emilie Autumn gig...
This, of course, means that I need a new Music Box post.

I'm going to call this one Things what are signed, for obvious reasons.

1. Amanda Palmer and Neil Gaiman 

Got this at the AFP gig I mentioned a few posts back. I wish I'd known Neil was going to be there, I'd have taken a book for him to sign for my sister. But oh well.

2. Angelspit

From April '10. Went to see them up in Sunderland. The pair of them were lovely - they wandered around for quite a while after the gig, talking to people and signing, well, everything.

3. The Birthday Massacre

October '10. Made a wee post about that gig way back then. I managed to get the setlist, and then hunted down all of TBM. It was harder than it sounds. Although they stayed (mostly) in the venue, they kept moving around, and not together, may I add. Got 'em all, though, and was super happy!

4. Ayria

Infest '10. Another lovely one! Jennifer Parkin is lovely. Seriously. Can't say much else about her. Oh, and she's good at singing. Of course. I have a signed poster too, but it's pretty much the same image.

5. Bitter Ruin

September '11. I bought ALL the merch. Seriously. I got that much merch that I filled up their little loyalty card and got given free merch. The first person to do that, too. That tour poster is extra good because it has the Edinburgh AFP date as well as the York one. It's like 'yeah, I saw them with Amanda Fucking Palmer as well.' I got a CD signed too, but that got posted off to Finland 'cause I'm nice like that.

6. Emilie Autumn

October '08. My first EA gig. My first gig on my own. And oh my god, it was amazing. This CD needs two photos because it's so freaking signed. I somehow managed to get first in the queue for signing that night, don't ask me how. I got quite a bit of time with her, which was fab, but it was also before the crumpets came out and joined her. But oh well. 

7. Abney Park

Following seeing Abney Park on Friday night (which was amazing, if you were wondering), I found myself at a signing on Saturday afternoon. Since I'd forgotten all of my money at home on Friday, I had no merch, nothing to sign. They were selling, though, their CDs. At a loss as to which one to get, I decided on, and I quote, ALL the CDs!

As I was thinking about which one to get signed, Jody piped up with "d'you want us to sign all of them?", with a smile.
"Uhh, sure, why not?" I answered, and the Airship Pirates set off a miniature production line. And there they are. Each as signed as the others.

I have a couple of other things, like a letter from Captain Maggots (wheeeeee! ), but I don't think those things especially count as 'things what are signed'.
So there you go.
Thursday, 13 October 2011


I've got a bunch of draft-posts that I've started writing and then gave up on for one reason or another. I'm so ashamed of myself, not managing to write anything properly in a while. But hey, life likes to get in the way of things.
The last little chunk of 'life' that separated me from the world of blogging was a spontaneous 2-day trip down to London. Six and a half hours on a coach both ways, and I'm aching now. What was I thinking?
I planned my little trip with intention of doing some research for college, like hunting down street performers and visiting museums and such...
And I did, to an extent.

The plan was to go to Covent Garden as soon as I got into London, but that failed when I found myself automatically veering off towards the Gatwick Express.
"No," I told myself, "You're not going to Finland. You're in London. Go to Camden or something."
So I did.
After a mooch around the wonderful Camden (and buying an earring and resisting the temptation to go get my ear pierced again right there and then), I went to my usual hostel. At this point, I realised that I had a lot of time to kill since I didn't have my mac with me. Oh dear. What is a girl to do?

I went to see Wicked.

I managed to get a ticket for £24.50, and, upon securing that, I finally went to Covent Garden. And I did get some photos of street performers, which is like 'hey, well done! You've done what you came to do!', and then off to the Apollo Victoria I went.
So there I was, looking a bit scruffy with a huge bag on my back, and I decided to make the proceedings even classier by buying myself a blue slush to slurp merrily through the first act.
And oh, how I loved Wicked. Seeing a musical on my own seemed a little odd at first, but then, I do most things on my own. So that was ok. And who the hell cares, anyway?
I did have to make a phone call in the interval to express, with sounds that probably only bats could hear, how amazingly exciting I found everything. That, and to say that Elphaba and Glinda are, and I quote, "So gay for each other."
This was repeated after the show, and I headed back to the Clink.

The next day, I found myself, quite by accident, in the British Museum. Like you do. It was less than useful for my college work, so I went to go look at mummies instead. I would have gone to the V&A, but I couldn't remember which tube station was closest.
I ended up there, by the way, by again attempting to go to Covent Garden. I should probably work on my directional skills.
Then fun stuff happened.
While quite happily sitting on the floor in King's Cross, reading The Grimmerie, I got attacked so menacingly by the wonderful Marie and Gav. We ventured to Camden on a (thoroughly successful) Nerd hunt and wandered down by the canal, back along to King's Cross. Not too long after, they left me at Victoria station for my journey home.

And yes, I'm cutting this short as I am under orders to watch Pushing Daisies!
So, until next time....
Saturday, 24 September 2011

Shameless Self Promotion

As well as this, I have a rarely-updated dream blog, but I want to start posting in that too, 'cause
a) my dreams are damn weird
b) I occasionally get creatively inspired by stuff I dream about.

So, if anyone feels like seeing what the inside of my head looks like while I'm asleep...
Whispers in the Cosmos
Tuesday, 20 September 2011


ohgod. I haven't posted anything in a long while. It's not that I haven't had anything to write about, it's that I didn't have words for how amazing my summer was.

In July, I went back to Finland ♥
To the people who haven't been to Finland, go there! It is officially my favourite country. Finland is love. I've only been to Helsinki/Vantaa, but I want to go exploring. I want to see Finland in the snow. Not the snow we have here, but the proper snow that you could probably drown and/or bury yourself in if you fell over in it. I want to go running around in the woods, looking for fauns and moomins and other such probably imaginary things. I want to go and shove myself into a proper sauna and almost die because I'm English and tend not to try and cook myself for fun.
As such, I'm currently (and rather badly) trying to learn Finnish so I can go and frolic to my heart's content.

But, back to the point.
Again, I stayed with the lovely Salla, and I went to the Plague Picnic - An Emilie Autumn fan meet-up for the Finns. It was rather fun, watching them make fairy wings and scarfing down cakes, but, of course, with them being Finns, they spoke mostly in Finnish, so I just sat there and and understood every 200th word or something. Eventually, I got put in charge of a camera, so I had something to do. It was really fun, though. I loved it.
Again, I spent far too much money on sweets, but it is completely worth it. Unfortunately, I didn't come home with any Missä X as the airport shops didn't have any...

A week into my little adventure in July, me and Salla jetted off to Belgium to go to ICMU (International Chat Meet-Up for those not in the know). Now, that was a fun gathering. It was brilliant to finally meet all of these people I've been chatting with on the internet for well over a year. I'd met a few at the New Years meet up last year (Or this year. Or both...), and they'd all met each other before at various other gatherings, and now I feel like I'm properly part of the group.

The fabled 'cuddlepuddle'

Near enough straight after ICMU, another meet-up was planned - Another NYE gathering, this time in Germany. With any luck, I'll be able to go to that and see all my wonderful friends again.

In August, I went off on another little adventure, this time to see Amanda Fucking Palmer in Edinburgh. Now, that doesn't sound particularly adventurous, but when you take into account that, because it was during the Fringe and everywhere was expensive, I couldn't book anywhere to stay the night. Luckily, Amy, my shrunken elf of a friend, came along with me at the last minute. After the gig, we ended up having a wander and then stumbled across a midnight tour of the vaults, which we ended up going on because a) it was a way to kill time and b) I love going in the vaults. After that, we sat in a pub until the train station opened, then went and sat in there and waited for our ridiculously early train back home.
The gig was amazing. I've been waiting for ages for a chance to see AFP live, and she certainly didn't disappoint. I only wish that we could have been down at the front instead of sitting up on the balcony, but

  • Amy is tiny and wouldn't have been able to see at all
  • I managed to almost cripple myself by tripping over a chain fence and slamming myself into the floor, hitting my leg and elbows that hard that I thought I'd broken something.
By the time I'd actually had some sleep, my neck had seized up too, making me think that I'd given myself whiplash or something. But oh well. It was completely worth it.

In more recent news, it was my birthday yesterday! I'm now 22, which seems almost impossible to me since I believe that I stopped ageing at 17 or 18. There's no way I'm old enough to be 22.
I don't have much to say about my birthday, since nothing especially good happened. It was my first day back at college and that, combined with not sleeping enough all weekend, meant that I was far too tired and unwilling to do anything exciting. Ho hum.
Last week, though, me and a friend went to see Bitter Ruin as our birthday thing, as his is coming up soon too. We were quite sad that Bad Pollyanna, who were meant to be supporting, dropped out, but BR were fantastic. So fantastic that I bought all of the merch. All of it. And then some.

So there you go!
That's pretty much everything I've done since last time I posted.

Ohh, and I stopped with my film posts 'cause I didn't want a whole row of them with nothing else, but I have an account on iCheckMovies if anyone cares about that.

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October Wolfe
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